When people tell you to follow your dreams, they never mention how stinkin’ hard it is. (original quote by yours truly)
So, it’s finally out there. My baby, my pet project, my literal blood, sweat, and tears, also known as my book, The Faintly Beating Heart, has finally breathed its first breath in the real world. And let me tell you, this was the hardest, scariest experience of my life… so far.
When it comes to doing that thing you love to do (or really any project for that matter) you’ll be hit with a million and one road blocks. It’s gunna happen. It’s just fate. So if you’ll let me, I’d like to draw back the curtain and let you in on some of the difficulties I encountered during this process. Some were just simple annoyances. Other’s knocked the air out of me.
The first time I took pen to paper and actually wrote down those crazy idea’s in my head was back in 2012. Writing felt really weird. I felt awkward and I had that flutter in my stomach that said “What are you doing?!”
So for me it started with the obvious self doubt…
“Who am I to think I can do this?!”
“I don’t know how to write fiction! I can’t even spell the word defenatly… definatly… no wait, defiantly ah!!”
“I overslept my alarm and forgot to take the trash cans down this morning, how will I ever have the discipline to write a book?!”
Those thoughts quickly divulged into deeper, more horrifying thoughts like…
“What if my friends don’t even like it?”
“What if my mom reads it and decides to disowns me?!”
“Once its out in the world, it’s out there FOREVER!”
But crippling self doubt is only one of many roadblocks.
I experienced a tight budget, a flakey editor, and a general lack of time. Then there’s illness, other commitments, and that pesky day job. Stressful days killed my spirit. Long days killed my energy. Oh and lets not forget about missed deadlines, data loss, and more than a couple hard-to-swallow critiques from my writers group.
When it comes to doing something of significance, especially writing a book, one thing you can never have enough of is TIME. But somehow despite feeling self conscious and juggling multiple jobs and commitments I still managed to write voraciously since I started in 2012. Most of it has been terrible but I’ve managed to polish one small novella to a sparkly enough shine that I could let others read it.
Yes, you read that right, 3 years and only 25,000 words to show for it.
Then I finally finish the darn thing and guess what? There’s more… I started to wonder…
“Was it just a waste of time?”
“Does anybody besides me even care about this!?”
“Can I do it again or am I just a one-hit-wonder?”
I could go forever people…
So if I were to give, in my limited experience, a lesson learned, it would be this: Just-keep-going. Whatever it is, just keep doing it, even if you can only take the tiniest baby step at a time. I’d also sprinkle on a dash of ‘Don’t worry too much what other people think’. Obviously you should desire the love and kind words of encouragement from friends and family. And we know constructive criticism is great and definitely necessary. BUT, remember, that person giving you the advice, is not you. You are you. And you are the only one who has to answer for what you do. Seek that wise counsel but don’t make decisions you don’t feel good about in your heart.
I’m wrapping up, I promise. Really quick I want to rehash a story that some of you already know. Originally I wanted to release The Faintly Beating Heart in May. Originally before that I wanted to release it in February. Originally before that I wanted to release it before the end of 2014. And, (you got it) originally before that I wanted to release it by October (2014). All those deadlines came and went and with each passing month I felt an increasing weight of guilt on my shoulders. I can say now with great confidence that none of those other dates were meant for this book. ‘That sounds really vague Emily, what do you mean?’ I mean, this past year I learned so much about the craft of writing, the process of publishing, and even my story itself that it would not be the thing it is now if I had released it a moment earlier. And bonus, I got to release it on my 27th birthday. That will always be a special birthday to me.
I take comfort in the fact that this is only the start of my journey. God has an amazing plan laid out for me (and you) if we only following his leading. And I’m happy to report that if nothing else, I have learned how to spell the word definitely. 😉
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